Sunday, 6 January 2013

Click. Whirr... Ping! Hello!

I know I said I wouldn't mention it again, but my mind came back over Christmas. Something knitted together, reactivated re-connected, whatever, in my head and my brain suddenly became illuminated like a whole night-time city seen from space.

I was quite miserable before Christmas as it was very evident from the inside that things were not as they once were. And I was bitterly upset by this. I felt slow, dull-witted and lacklustre and it hurt. I thought this was how I would be forever. And it could have been. That happens.

But somehow, it all switched back on again during the Christmas break. Suddenly, I seem to have all my faculties back. I don't know what caused it. Perhaps it was all the sleeping I did, or the respite from work, or all the company. I really couldn't say what.

I still get extremely tired in that unhealthy, impenetrable way that is familiar to me and only began last March. And I still become confused when there is a lot of information to process or when many voices talk at once, or even just one voice when I am trying to concentrate on something.
And I know that lots of people say "Oh, that happens to me too!" But there is a qualitative difference between usual, common-or-garden confusion and the sickening, lurching, spinning disorientation that I occasionally still experience. I also need to sleep a lot more than before - perhaps an hour a night more.
But these small inconveniences are all that appear to remain from my misfortune.

It's been ten months. I am back at last (at least I think so). And I am delighted.

So I just thought I would pop by and say hello.