Friday, 1 February 2008

tyranny of feelings?

A woodsaw through the heart, cotton wool in your mind, sunshine in your stomach, a heavy cloud over the oily, indolent sea of your motivation.These things appear and we are in thrall to them. Or so it seems.
What can we actually do about feelings. Thoughts we can redirect o happier, more constructive places, but when emotion are involved, they seem to be able to have their way with us, regardless of our wishes.
I remember the days when a vast grey cloud would come rolling in from nowhere, when gravity exerted a tangible and inhibitory force on my will and everything seemed full of despair.
I remember also, the lightness of the spirit, when some action or prospect caused the Sun to shine inside my chest. A euphoria so powerful I would want to leap, and indeed, often still do so, for sheer delight at being alive.
And how to get from the former to the latter? Do we have a say in this.

I would like to say a resounding "Yes!" because that would seem the more hopeful perspective. But really, I am not sure.
Feelings seem to come unbidden. Sometimes there is an obvious trigger; seeing a friend who cheers us, an unanticipated smile from an attractive person of the opposite sex (for me). Oh many things.

Conversely, the appearance of the greyness often seemed unanticipated. Often, I could sense I had not-quite-consciously stumbled into a thought that had upset me, but it was beyond reach of analysis and therefor, could not be tackled.
And, I think my provisional conclusion must be that, to engineer our mood, we must necessarily choose which lines of thought that lead us there.
We seem, at least I and those I have discussed it with, seem, to be unable to control feelings; they will have their way. But thoughts are within our control, mostly, except at times, as I know, when some circumstance or condition takes over your brain and leads you to dark places.

The other thing that strikes me, and I don't know if this is universal, or even common, but I feel different emotions in different parts of my body.
Joy, euphoria and happiness I feel just inside my breastbone. Rage is in my back, beteen the lower reaches of my shoulder blades. frivolity and a sense of mischief, I feel in my outer calf muscles and impatience in my forearms.

So, maybe this works in reverse? Perhaps if i think of my lower legs, I can engender frivolity and silliness. I will try this out for a while and let you know.
And now, I must do some work, so which part of me do I move my consciousness to in order to be productive?

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